


anecdotes of a what could have been.

by nightcoast



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/M, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21591292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightcoast/pseuds/nightcoast
Summary: He feels his heart swell with something he hasn’t quite felt in so long. His eyes glance quickly at her quivering lips before meeting her gaze again. Vanya looks up at him dazed and dreamy. She’s like a vision in the night and something he only dreamed up on his loneliest nights.Five feels like he’s fallen straight into a dream that he doesn’t want to wake up from.However, there are things that should be left unsaid for the better. Even if it's the truth. Even if it hurts.- - - - - - - - -a collection of soft angst starters from tumblr.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	1. when the lights are dim (would you still let me in?)

**Author's Note:**

> these are collections of short works i've written for tumblr  
> hope you enjoy them!

_**** _

_**“Don’t give me space.”** _

She says it so steadily, without the usual tremble in her voice. Five can’t see her with his back facing her but he wonders what kind of face she’s making right now.

He had snuck into the tiny space of her childhood room unable to avoid her any longer since they were forced back into the past of their younger selves. It was impulsive, he’d admit. Risky and undoubtedly a bad idea but after weeks of only seeing her from afar tested his patience.

So now he stands clutching the worn sill of her window bracing against it in the evening light. He knows looking at her will break his already fragile resolve. But this is the first they’ve interacted in so long, the hunger he has for her attention and her attention only rises suddenly to the forefront of his mind.

Before he can stop himself, he responds to her. “It’s the only thing I can give you-”

“The only thing you can give me?” She chuckles in disbelief. Five hears the sheets of her bed where she sits rustle slightly. _**“That’s the last thing I want from you.”**_

There’s no malice in her words though, just a tiredness that rests heavily on his shoulders. He doesn’t say anything, and his grip on her window sill tightens. _So what do you want from me?_ He wants to say. _What can I give you? I’d give you the world if I could but-_

“Five.”

Small hands grip the back of his thin shirt before Five feels her forehead press against the space between his shoulders. He never realized that she had gotten up from her bed. Five moves to try to bring some space in between them, growing uncomfortable with the lack of restraint that rises within him. But thin arms wrap tightly around his middle, squeezing tightly.

“Don’t push me away. _Let me in_ ,” Vanya whispers. 

Five’s throat burns. It was almost unfair how much of an effect Vanya had on him. Only she could beg anything of him so softly and he’d give in entirely. He was utterly weak for her attention and attention only.

His hands leave the sill and he turns to meet her wide brown eyes staring up at him in surprise. He lets out a quiet laugh before wrapping his own arms around her small frame, engulfing her. Vanya stiffens in surprise at first before melting into him, taking shelter in his warmth from the cool night breeze.

“You are…something else, Vanya,” Five breathes into her ear.

“Like what? Plain? Ordinary?” She suggests quietly with an edge of uneasiness lacing her words. Five feels her hands tightly grip the back of his shirt.

He lifts up his head to touch their foreheads together. Her cheeks dusted red as she looks up at him with those wide eyes. _Still a dreamer in her own heart._ He thinks to himself.

“No,” Five chuckles, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek.

Vanya leans into his touch, still waiting for his response expectantly. “Then what?”

He feels his heart swell with something he hasn’t quite felt in so long. His eyes glance quickly at her quivering lips before meeting her gaze again. Vanya looks up at him dazed and dreamy. She’s like a vision in the night and something he only dreamed up on his loneliest nights. “Try extraordinary.”

And Five presses his lips against hers, feeling her eyelashes flutter close against their cheeks in the dim moonlight.


	2. i ache. would you?

****

**“Am I too late?”**

Vanya says it so quietly, with an ache in her voice that drives something deep inside of Five’s chest. Cool fingertips trace against his forehead and lightly brush the fringes of his hair back. It’s comforting, being like this. It’s surreal too, after decades of no human contact Five feels like he’s fallen straight into a dream that he doesn’t want to wake up from.

He doesn’t say anything though and proceeds to pretend to be asleep. His back to her and tucked underneath the cool sheets of her bed. The pillow he lays against smells like her, like rain and clean linen. But staying with her is dangerous. He knows this. There will be people coming after him one way or another. It would be better to leave before they track him down here and safer for her even. But once he saw those familiar brown eyes…he knew he was lost.

“Are we too late? So much time has passed since we’ve last seen each other. We were so young, Five. So incredibly stupid in our own ways,” She breathes in shakily.

Five keeps his eyes closed.

“I just never knew the cost of losing you. I was so afraid for so many years and all that time spent missing the one person that actually understood me. Sometimes I wondered what could have been if we stayed together,”

_I’ve wondered the same too._ He wanted to say, but lingering attachments and empty words would serve no good in this situation.

“You could have gone to school, gone on to do amazing things. Perhaps we would have stayed together, maybe as family or maybe…just us. We could have faced it all together.”

Five hears a small sniffle, the weight of the best shifts slightly as Vanya tries to compose herself. His jaw tenses just the slightest as he wishes so badly to comfort her but in this reality, he will never allow himself so. After all, he was the one that left her alone like this and it’s him now that’s making her cry. 

He would never allow himself the relief of empty promises or sweet words with hollow meaning. The moment he ran down those weathered steps to push the gates open was the moment he sealed his fate. It was far too late to make amends, to make up for the years lost. 

The time between them was too great and he had a duty bigger than both of them. If he managed to save this wretched world for all its worth, then by default he will save his family…and ultimately, he’ll save Vanya.

Cool fingers trail lightly down the curve of his cheek and it takes all his strength to not lean into them.

It’s torture.

“Five, I…” Vanya starts, but her voice is so fragile and quiet. It almost dies behind the soft sounds of the street outside of her apartment. “I-I…I’ve missed you. I don’t know where you’ve been or what has happened…but know-”

A car outside blares its horn and it makes her jump for a moment. Inaudible yelling is followed right after and just as quick as it comes, it quiets down again.

Vanya sighs again. The ringing in Five’s ears is uncomfortable and he can faintly make out the sounds of her old clock ticking away on her apartment walls. His hands tighten just the slightest around the coolness of her sheets. He wants to see her face. He wishes he could just pour everything out and tell her everything and that-

“I could’ve loved you.”

Vanya says softly. Achingly. Sorrowfully. There’s another pause, a soft sniffle the Five hears from behind him. “I could’ve loved you Five. I don’t know if you would have but _I know_ I would’ve.”

Five knows that he should wake up, he should comfort her and he should tell her the truth. Because all else, she deserves it the most, after everything that’s fucking happened to her in the decades that separated them.

But even he couldn’t gather up the courage to face her. Face Vanya of all people. Tiny, naive Vanya with eyes so dreamlike you could get swept away in them too. The only person he thought of this entire time to keep him sane in the face of all the horrible deeds he had to do to get here.

In the end, he was still a coward. Too afraid to touch her again in case the filth from his hands tainted her too. Utterly pathetic in all regards.

So he stays silent, feigning sleep as Vanya brushes a stay lock of hair from his face. A touch so achingly tender it drives another knife through his heart.

And with that, she leaves him again. In the deafening silence of his choices.


End file.
